My Pity Party

Tonight is a good night for my own personal pity party! I have had sever arthritis for only 2 years but it is hard to remember when it wasn't ruling my life. I try to stay positive but sometimes I just get tired of being in pain all of the time and have to let it all out. I decided that rather than whining to my family, I would whine on a blog! For the most part, no one understands the pain or irritation of having arthritis. I look normal. I am not crooked or bent like many people with arthritis. BUT-- there is not a day that goes by, that I am not in some sort of pain. Yes, I am on medication - a wonderful shot that I give myself every week. NEVER thought that I could do that! That shot kills my immune system, which in turn causes it's own set of problems. I am on my 4th bout of MRSA in the past 6 months! Get an infection and you have to stop the arthritis meds. The arthritis meds take anywhere from 1-3 months to build up in your body so they will work. Needless to say I haven't had very good luck getting the shot to take hold. Once, I was a very active, outgoing woman- that seems so long ago. This disease makes me feel old and broken. I am 53 years old and the best part of my life is just beginning and I feel cheated out of enjoying it. I want to feel like exercising, quilting, gardening, playing with my grandson but at this point I am too tired from the pain, and from the lack of sleep even force myself do anything on some days. Then I feel so guilty because I wonder if I am just being lazy. No-- it is the disease. It took my life awy, as I knew it. I know that there are so many people out there worse than me,as my husband often reminds me-( Thanks, Honey-- that doesn't always make me feel better- usually I just want to punch you.) and that is why I try not to let myself hit this low, low spot. Sometimes I deserve to have a pity party for me and only me. Now, I have invited you to have your own pity party- cuz sometime we deserve it!